Tough

A friend once gave me a note that said “Tough times don’t last, Tough people do.”

It may be so that the friend who gave me that note is no longer my friend, but that doesn’t mean the note holds no meaning for me anymore. In fact, it hangs on my wall, with electric tape. As much as I want to say we were good friends, I don’t think we were ever actually “Friends” if you know what I mean. At least my parents think that she was always acting as if she was better than me, always using words like “Librocubicularist” which apparently means “A person who reads in bed.” Obviously whoever created that word, had way too much time on their hands, when they could’ve just been reading in their bed.

(ba dumps! Sorry that was a really bad pun.)

And, if we are going ahead and using her words to describe people, why don’t we go along and describe me with one of those long words of hers—

Crapehanger” It means, “A person who sees the gloomy side of things.”

If we are describing others with these long words, why not describe her with one of her own words?

Logolepsy” It means, “An obsession with words.”

In my opinion that word, makes me think of Legolas from The Lord of The Rings. Who comes up with these words? Like really? I may as well come up with a word right now–

Pokiblyo” It means, “Those white things left from price tags on a blanket.” Yeah, you can guess, I’m cuddled up in a blanket that has one of those Pokiblyo things. Ah yeah, I’m tired, stressed and depressed. I sort of wish that friendships weren’t so exhausting.

I’ve ended this friendship with this person because I knew it wasn’t a healthy relationship, but everyone seems to be unhappy (except for my parents and family friends/family members) about my decision, but really, I saved her from suicide. I had to end it because she mocked my family’s economic state, and she called me some pretty rude things, like not just rude- but insulting and not even appropriate or sensible. They were hurtful though because we had been friends for 3 years. During that time we had grown close, too close. I became attached to her, almost as if when I wasn’t around her I had separation anxiety. Funny thing is, before I met her, I never had anxiety. It’s strange how things turn out. Today I messaged her, I had thought she had committed suicide because she had been gone for 3 weeks, it’s only sensible to message her, so I unblocked her on Instagram and messaged her. I told her what I thought and she literally at first seemed kind. Until she just randomly snapped and got angry. I told her I didn’t want to answer her question because of how she was acting so I just told her I wasn’t going to deal with this, and I was wrong to think she had changed. Of course she messages back, saying stuff like what do you mean you thought I changed?? Like you think I changed from a normal human being like what the heck? and then she goes on and says some pretty rude things, and goes on to tell me that I’m some person that tries to get people to bow down and kiss my feet. Okay for one, she’s the one who admitted that she has “Superiority Complex” and said that she is some Ex-special snowflake cringe. She’s apparently also Anti-PC/SJW, okay so that’s just all crazy and everything right? It’s okay for me to ask her if she’s alive right? Or rather tell her I’m relieved to see she’s not dead. For goodness sakes, it should be perfectly fine especially since I already stopped her from committing suicide once already. It’s only reasonable for me to be worried. On top of this all, she’s managed to get my other friends to believe that she’s done “nothing” wrong and that she’s the innocent one. Like heck she is, I have proof of every single word she said to me. I could report her to the police for threatening/assault/gossiping/infringement of my rights, and who knows how many more I could pin her for. And she’s just lucky that I’m not telling my friends what she’s said, cause I don’t want to be that person. There’s no way I’m going to be that person. Whatever she says or does, I will somehow manage to get through it. Currently she doesn’t have many friends because of the way she and my other ex-friend are acting.  On the other hand, I have been given 3 new close friends and 5 other good friends. My mom told me she’s been praying that God would slowly weed out the people in my life who are not good for me, who can only cause me problems. I guess in a way it will come in handy one day, because God always has a plan, I guess just right now it kinda stings that I’ve lost so many friends. We did so much together, we cosplayed together, watched anime together, went to conventions together, we did homework together, had sleepovers, watched movies together, played video games together, and so so so much more. And it hurts that she thinks I’m blaming all my problems on my ADHD, depression, and anxiety. She legit told me that I have to stop blaming everything I do wrong on the fact that I have ADHD, for one I do not do that. And yes I take medication for my depression, anxiety, and ADHD. It’s not fun, I take  4 pills in the morning, 1 at lunch, 2 at supper, and 3 at bedtime. Which is in fact right this moment. All my friends, except the new ones are telling me to talk to these two friends that I’m not friends with. And the friend who’s never really been my friend, the one with the words told me I’m the center of everyone’s problems. I don’t think I am, my one guy friend told me that he doesn’t think so. However this one friend of mine that told me to talk to these two people, I literally want to tell him straight to his face that I just freaking tried to talk to her, and what do you think I got in return?! I got hostility, and it’s obvious that they don’t want to talk to me, or be my friend which I’m perfectly fine with, however I would like it to be civil at least. I’m not the one glaring at the other, and calling them evil. Those two girls told me that I’m an evil person, that I’m the devil’s spawn, that I’m this evil spirit. Like grow up, are you that immature?? I don’t even know what to say to that. And currently our friend group is trying to out beat everyone and to be better than the other, and it’s so annoying. I hate them. And yes I know hate is a strong word, but I really mean it. And you want to know what else? My counselor told me I should try and make a blog like this to let out my emotions and I really think it’s helping. I’ve got so much to say it’s unbelievable. She also told me that I need to come to learn how to forgive them, she said it’s a hard process but I know I’ve  got to figure this out.

Okay well, the power could go out any moment right now, so I guess this is all for now. It’s better to post it before it goes out and I lose it all.

Thanks for listening if you did, today’s post and probably quite a few posts are going to be rants like today’s but I guess it shows how I’m learning, and I can teach someone else through this somehow.

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