Millions

I’m a distant mortal, I’m a sufferer of anxiety, of depression, of ADHD. I’m only mortal. I suffer so others don’t, it’s not in vain, I am correct, right? We fight the thoughts we fight the anxiety and struggle inside the depression.

Knock knock. Knock?

If I may I will say that ADHD really means, Another Day Holding onto Danger. Because really, when you’ve got ADHD you’re impulsive. I’m impulsive. And then you get those looks from people like– what the heck are you doing? Okay yeah, I get it, I’m talking fast, I’m daydreaming, I’m I can’t stop fidgeting. 

Knock knock. Knock?

I hear the sound of someone knocking, or is it just the sound of empty thoughts and lonely nights? I hear that some people hug the darkness and embrace it, I hear they say it’s such a wonderful comfort. Oh but is it really? I know, I’ve hugged the darkness once before, I embraced it with all my soul. I lost some friends that way. 

Knock knock. Knock?

I take the pills and watch them stare. I’ve got millions of little drugs. I’ve got millions of thoughts that consume my outer core. I’m the one in a million, I’ve got nothing but time and it seems to fly just as a million birds brave the sky. Oh but when I knock at the door, at their door, I can’t stay. Besides they don’t come. I’ve knocked that door a million times before, they said they’d never leave, they said they’d never lie to me. They said they’d never choose a side.

Knock knock. Knock?

I’ve lost millions of wars and I’ve braved thousands of wars, I won’t stand and watch my enemies win. I won’t stand and watch the others who brave this war of anxious depression die and fall and disappear, I won’t let them leave this earth alone. I’ll knock on their door a million times before I leave. I’ll show them that someone cares. And if I knock and no one answers, I’ll leave today and come back tomorrow and if you’re gone tomorrow I’ll rewind time and go to yesterday and knock more times than yesterday, I won’t leave till I’ve knocked your door a million times two. 

Knock knock. Knock?

And if you knock upon my door, I’ll be sure to try and answer before the millionth time, because no one deserves to be alone. I’ll open my door and let you in. I’ll give you a selection of thirty teas, and pour you one that you adore, I’ll sit you down and tell you this– I’m not a million years old but I’ve got some million wars that I am battling and I’ve learned that battling them doesn’t always mean you’ve got to take your fun away, it just means you’ve got to rid your life of dreary thoughts. And if you can’t I’ll help you then, because together two can do so much more than just one can. 

Knock knock. Knock?

I’ve rid my door of the rusted key and changed it to a golden one, and the only people to have that key are real friends and loving family, and oh don’t forget, you fake and deceitful friends your key no longer works on my door. I won’t need your fake compliments and harsh lies because I’ve got real friends and real family. 

I won’t knock this time, for my door is open, and if I knock that means my door is closed. So just walk in and say hello. I’m okay I’m just fine. That’s right, I’ll be learning how to say- I’m not okay I’m not just fine I’m actually sad, please it’s okay if we all cry.

-written by me, thank you for reading. Thank you.

daily post Millions

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